Dobio sam poruku iz duhovnih krugova da će mladi swami posjetiti Split, moj rodni grad. Pogledao sam letak koji je bio fotokopija fotokopije. Nisam bio impresioniran. Internetska stranica je također bila jako oskudna pa sam odbacio cijelu ideju da ga vidim. Nisam tražio druge gurue, učitelje, niti druge puteve. Imao sam svoj vlastiti i bio vjeran do srži. Ništa me nije moglo natjerati da promijenim svoju odluku ili sam barem tako mislio.

Ali, dosađivao sam se i bio frustriran dok sam čekao odobrenje vize te sam posljednji dan odlučio provjeriti tipa, pogotovo zato što je bilo udaljeno samo nekoliko minuta hoda od hrama za meditaciju posvećenog Yoganandi koji smo nas nekoliko održavali godinama.

Bilo je vrlo vruće popodne u kolovozu 2005. Bio je Kṛṣṇa Janmāṣṭamī (rođenje Gospodina Kṛṣṇe) te sam došao ranije i ugodno se smjestio usred hotelske konferencijske dvorane gdje se trebao odviti događaj. Nisam imao očekivanja i samo sam čekao da uđe swami.

POGLED KOJI ĆE PROMIJENITI SMJER CIJELOG MOG ŽIVOTA

Swami Vishwananda žustrim je koracima ušao u dvoranu i sjeo na povišenu stolicu koja je bila pripremljena za Njega. Ondje su bile slike Mahāvatāra Bābājīja, Lahirija Mahasaye, Yri Yukteswarjija, Isusa Krista, Majke Marije i Swamija Vishwanande. Bio sam zbunjen. Pitao sam se gdje je fotografija moga Yoganande? Tek što je Swami Vishwananda sjeo, počeo je pjevati. Izgled mu je bio čaroban; osmijeh božanski; energija vibrirajuća. Bio sam potpuno opčinjen. Ali u tom trenutku nisam mogao mnogo razmišljati. Njegovo pjevanje prebacilo me u drugu dimenziju. Nisam bio navikao na stil bhajana koje je pjevao; ipak, bili su tako uzdižući. “Nārāyan Nārāyan Jai Jai Govinda Hare, Nārāyan Nārāyan Jai Jai Gopala Hare ” odjekivalo je čitavom dvoranom. Sjećam se da sam svoj pogled usmjerio na Njegovu nježnu desnu ruku i prste koji su po naslonu tapkali u ritmu bhajana. Iz nekog razloga, ovaj prizor ostavio je trajni trag u mojoj svijesti.

Nakon još nekoliko bhajana, počeo je govoriti. Nije mi bilo drago slušati bilo kakvo predavanje. Osjećao sam da sam dobro upućen u duhovno blago koje je bilo dovoljno za moj duhovni razvoj. Kao da me je čuo, Njegov govor je bio vrlo kratak. Sa prijevodom, pretpostavljam da je ukupno trajao manje od deset minuta. To je bio dobar trik. Da je govorio još nekoliko minuta, možda bih Ga potpuno odbacio. Nisam bio tamo radi duhovnog nadahnuća ili tehnike spasenja. Došao sam samo da mi prođe dosadno ljetno popodne. Moj um je bio u dalekoj Americi, ali moje tijelo još uvijek u Hrvatskoj.

Nakon nekoliko sati davanja osobnih blagoslova svima u dvorani, darshan (pojedinačni blagoslov duhovnog učitelja koji daruje nekoj osobi – vidi treći dio: Darshan – Istinsko značenje i važnost) završio je i došao sam k Njemu. Nakon nekoliko minuta čekanja da završi razgovore s drugim ljudima, izravno sam Mu postavio neka pitanja koja su me mučila. Još uvijek živo osjećam svoju drskost i aroganciju u odnosu prema Njemu. Bio je netaknut takvom arogancijom i nepoštovanjem s moje strane te mi je dao priliku da Ga pozovem u naš mali hram. Pristao je doći.

Sljedećeg dana strpljivo sam čekao ispred apartmana u kojem je boravio sa svojom malom skupinom. Napokon, netko je obavijestio Swamija Vishwanandu o mom dolasku te je rekao da će uskoro biti spreman. Vrata su se otvorila i pozdravio me širokim osmijehom. Ondje je stajao muškarac u običnoj majici i trapericama. Progutao sam svoje razočaranje. Sanjao sam o šetnji s ovim svetim čovjekom u lepršavoj narančastoj haljini, ruku pod ruku, splitskim ulicama. Nisam imao ideju zašto sam to tako živo zamišljao.

Najprije smo hodali; nekoliko Njegovih predanika išlo je iza nas. Bilo je oko pet do osam minuta hoda do hrama za meditaciju i tijekom našeg opuštenog razgovora spomenuo sam da ću započeti novi život, ući u samostan i ostatak svog života provesti ljubeći i služeći Boga.

Njegov jedini komentar bio je: „Boga možeš pronaći na bilo kojem mjestu”.  Bio sam šokiran Njegovom primjedbom, čak i pomalo uvrijeđen. Za mene je to bilo tako ili nikako drugačije, kako izreka kaže. Nije bilo drugog mjesta na kojem sam želio biti gdje mogu pronaći Boga. A sada mi ovaj mladi Swami govori da može postojati druga mogućnost. Nikada ne bih odustao od svoje odlučnosti ni za šta na ovome svijetu. Prekinuo sam ovaj razgovor jer smo trebali ući u hram.

Swami Kanjalochana

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MAN PROPOSES, GOD DISPOSES

I got a message from the spiritual circles that a young swami would be visiting Split, my hometown. I looked at the flyer that was a photocopy of a photocopy. I was far from impressed. The website was also very poor so I dismissed the whole idea of seeing him. I was not looking for other gurus, teachers, nor other paths. I had my own and was loyal to the core. Nothing could bend me to change my decision or so I thought.

But, I was getting bored and more frustrated while awaiting the visa approval, and on the last day I decided to check out the guy, especially because it was just a few minutes walking distance from the meditation temple dedicated to Yogananda that a few of us had maintained for years.

It was a very hot afternoon of August 2005. It happened to be Kṛṣṇa’s Janmāṣṭamī (the birth of Lord Kṛṣṇa) and I came earlier and found myself comfortable in the middle of the hotel conference room where the event would take place. I had no expectation and was just waiting for that swami to walk in.

THE GLANCE THAT WOULD CHANGE THE DIRECTION OF MY WHOLE LIFE

Swami Vishwananda walked into the hall with brisk steps and sat down on the elevated chair previously prepared for Him. There were pictures of Mahāvatār Bābājī, Lahiri Mahasaya, Śri Yukteswarji, Jesus Christ, Mother Mary and Swami Vishwananda. I was puzzled. I was wondering where was the photo of my Yogananda? No sooner had Swami Vishwananda sat than He started to sing. His appearance was magical; His smile Divine; His energy vibrant. I was completely mesmerized. But I could not think much at that time. His singing transported me into another dimension. I was not used to the style of bhajans He was singing; nevertheless, they were so uplifting. “Nārāyan Nārāyan Jai Jai Govinda Hare, Nārāyan Nārāyan Jai Jai Gopala Hare” echoed throughout the hall. I remember fixing my gaze at His soft right hand and the fingers tapping on the armrest to the rhythm of the bhajan. For some reason, this scene left a permanent mark in my consciousness.

After a couple more bhajans, He started to talk. I was not fond of listening to any lecture. I felt I was well versed in the spiritual riches that were sufficient for my spiritual unfoldment. As if He had heard me, His talk was very short. With translation, I would guess it was far less than ten minutes altogether. This was a good catch. If He had spoken a few more minutes I might have dismissed Him completely. I was not there for any spiritual inspiration or technique of salvation. I came just to pass my boring summer afternoon. My mind was in far off America, but my body still in Croatia.

After several hours of giving personal blessings to everyone in the room, the darshan (the individual blessing that a spiritual master bestows on a person – see PART THREE: Darshan – True Meaning and Significance) finished and I came up to Him. After waiting a few minutes until He finished talking with other people, I asked Him directly some questions that bothered me. I still vividly feel my arrogance and impudence in my attitude toward Him. He was unperturbed at such arrogance and disrespect from my side, and gave me the opportunity to invite Him to our small temple. He agreed to it.

The following day I patiently waited outside the apartment where He and His little group stayed. Finally, somebody notified Swami Vishwananda of my presence and He said He would be soon ready. The door opened and He greeted me with a broad smile. There stood a man with a random T-shirt and jeans. I swallowed my disappointment. I had dreamed of walking with this holy man in flowing orange robe, hand in hand, in the streets of Split. I had no idea why I would have had such vivid imagining.

We walked first; several of His devotees walked behind us. It was about five to eight minutes walking distance toward the meditation temple and in the course of our chilled-out conversation I mentioned that I was about to commence a new life, entering a monastery and spending the rest of my life loving and serving God. His only comment was, “You can find God in any place”. I was shocked at His remark, even offended a bit. For me it was this way or the highway, as the expression goes. There was no other place I wanted to be where I could find God. And now this young swami was telling me that there could be another possibility. I would never have abandoned my determination, for anything of this world. I dismissed this conversation as we were about to enter the temple.

Swami Kanjalochana

Preuzeto iz knjige ‘MY JOURNEY: A LIFE FORGED BY FIRE’

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